Being a good listener is an art. Often it seems like a lost art in our busy, fast-paced culture.
In part, this is due to the way our brains work. While the average person speaks at a rate of 125 words per minute, our brains have the mental capacity to assimilate 400 words per minute. (1) That leaves a lot of brainpower looking for something to do while we try to focus on someone speaking.
It takes effort to pay attention in a conversation.
Another factor is what can be called “bad listening habits.” These are patterns we fall into that make us poor listeners. Things like faking attention, skipping over difficult concepts, and being easily distracted fall into this category. (1)
How to Build Better Listening Habits
We can improve our skills at hearing what other people are saying.
It’s not only possible; it’s essential. By listening well, we learn more from what we hear, and we become better people in the process. Give someone our full attention shows respect and care for those around us in a meaningful way.
Here are three ways to build your listening skills:
Practice Active Listening
I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. – Robert Mccloskey
It’s easy for misunderstandings to occur when we are not listening well. An excellent way to stay engaged with a conversation and ensure understanding is to summarize back to the speaker what you heard.
This is a technique called active listening, and when used well, it can significantly improve focus and communication. (2)
Ask Thoughtful Questions
A common habit when speaking with another person is to start formulating a reply while the other person is still speaking. This may seem efficient, but it means you’re not fully listening to what is being said.
One way to combat this tendency is to think instead about what questions you can ask to find out more. This places the conversation’s focus on understanding and engaging with what the other person has to say.
Asking thoughtful, clarifying questions will make the other person feel heard and respected. It also allows you to learn and cultivates an attitude of curiosity.
Step Away From Your Phone
We are easily distracted. Technology has made this reality worse by presenting a constant source of distraction. A recent study showed that the presence of a cell phone and the possibility that it might ring diminished listening skills by 20%. (3)
When possible, silence your phone or put it in airplane mode. This will allow you to be fully present in a conversation knowing the ding of an incoming text won’t pull your mind away from listening.
Two Ears and One Mouth
It’s an age-old proverb that we should listen twice as much as we speak. But the skill of listening has to be cultivated.
Enter each conversation with respect and curiosity. You will learn more than you thought possible, and build stronger, productive relationships. Listen and listen well.
